Cruel and Unusal Behavior

I can't say I know what is going on these days with people, but they disturb me.

Being a huge lover of the other species that we share this world with (I can't really say animals, because we are animals ourselves), I struggle with how some people can be so cruel to them.

The news has had a flurry of horrible stories of animal abuse. A marine was recently discharged from the Corps for throwing a puppy off a cliff, recording it as it's yelps faded as it fell, and put it on youtube. Yesterday, someone threw a bag of kittens out into a busy highway. Only one survived. Recently, in Virginia, a pit bull puppy was found with her ears cut off.

I could continue on with many other stories of cruelty, but its hard for me to even discuss it because it is so upsetting. It really breaks my heart to even hear of these things.

I'm a firm believer that a person who can hurt an animal like that is quite violent in nature, possibly they are exhibiting the first signs of being a serial killer. Many studies support that idea.

Laws do exhist that protect animals, but since they can't communicate with us, many individuals get away with their crime.

Neglect is another problem. People don't realize it, but its very common. I remember once being in a pet store and a man was complaining about his chinchilla and how much he hates it. He said that he never let it out and kept it in it's cage. I wish that I stepped in and asked if I could have him or her, because chinchillas can't be locked in their cages their whole lives. They need exercise, interaction, and activity outside their closed habitats.

And that is only a small example. Trina, a pit bull/mastiff mix that my parents have now, was locked in a cage for the first two years of her life, just to have puppies. She was overbred and then sent to the pound when the man couldn't use her anymore.

Chewy, another dog of my parents found, whom we think is a pit bull/bloodhound mix, was found on the side of the road. He has a limp and his belly is full of scars from possibly being thrown out of a window of a moving car.

Growing up, my biological mother was always bringing home dogs from the humane society when she worked there. She would bring them home to fix them up, give them a good bath and groom, and help them readjust to people. She brought home a sheltie that was afraid of men due to abuse. She was able to get her adjusted by introducing her to my dad and our vet. She had a Husky that she fixed up and got a home the day she brought him back. My mom saved many dog's lives and there are so many people out there that do the same. That is comforting, but when seeing the news above, you wonder what was going through those peoples' minds.

If anyone wanted a good dog, going to the humane society is a sure bet of finding that there. Same with cats. One of my cats, Arashi, is from the humane society and he is the best I have ever had. He's loving and very attached to me, but its because he knows I pretty much saved his life. Many cats and dogs are put down every year due to overpopulation in humane societies.

Also, I have heard complaints about the humane society and their methods of adoption. Yes, they now do background checks and make sure that you are in a place that is right for that pet. They only do this so the animal will not end up hurt, abandoned, dead, or back in the humane society. I think its a wonderful idea, and though its a hassle, its worth it.

But needless to say, animals deserve better treatment, and the recent news sparked this rant. I don't condone any violence towards anything living, unless it was attacking or trying to kill someone. But, I don't think that puppy was any threat to that marine, nor were those kittens to the bastard that threw them out onto a highway to be ran over. I'm only stating the facts.

If you are interested in helping abused animals or considering adoption visit: http://www.spana.org/ (Society for Protection Animals Abroad) or http://www.hsus.org/, the National Humane Society website.

My dad, my Hero

These holidays can be rough for the single parent child. And I have seen in many of my friends the disturbing pattern of one parent exiting their kid's life and the other taking all the responsibility.

For me, Mother's Day is a pain. I haven't talked to my mom in almost 5 years. Luckily, graduation fell on that day and it was barely on my mind this year.

Father's Day is different for me. Its more of day to be grateful and appreciative of the man that pretty much saved my life. He's what ever a dad should be. And he's made up for every bit of love my mom walked out with.

Some how, some way, I made the decision to live with my dad when my parents divorced when I was 11 years old. I came into my new home with a mullet, thick bottle glasses, I was very overweight, and I had no confidence nor social skills. Dad changed it all.

He and his wife took the time to make me real dinners. No more bland tv dinners that was making me unhealthy and quite fat. I was no longer trapped in my bedroom, I had the freedom to go outside and walk around. I had the freedom to go in different rooms of the house without permission. I could even go into the refridgerator without getting in trouble. Yes, my mom was a slight control freak. He took time to help me with my homework. He came to every game I performed at when I was in colorguard. He did everything he could to make anything that I was a part of. He wasn't out all night with random people, leaving me at home alone to fend for myself so he could go party. I wasn't alone anymore.

My mom wasn't a horrible person by no means, I make it sound like she was the worst person in the world, but she was only a victim of her own home life. Her mother was a bad influence and her dad was never allowed to be a part of her life. I can never believe my mom wanted to hurt me on purpose. And I always will love her. But, she wasn't ready to be a parent. My dad was.

So, if you have your father and he has been there for you, protected you, loved you, be grateful. Make sure you let him know that you appreciate everything that he has done for you.

For those who don't have that luxury, give your mom a hug or call today and thank her for being so strong, so amazing, and being both the woman and man of the household. I understand how you feel, its like Mother's Day for me. But remember, you do have that one parent that has loved you unconditionally and some don't even have that. I try and try to keep that in mind. To be grateful for what I have, not for what I have lost.

Even moreso, realize the father figure you deserve. It may be a grandfather, an uncle, a teacher, a friend. If you have someone in your life that has been there for you as a father, thank him, too.

Soooo...to my dad, for all the rides in your blue Dodge, jamming to Tom Petty, thank God you influenced me music wise.

To the day we went out in raincoats during a hurricane, hoping the wind would pick us up at the top of the driveway when we jumped. I was 17, you were in your late 30's, but you always are gonna be a kid at heart, and I will be the same.

For the countless freak accidents you have had. You are an amazing conversation piece.

For you putting aside being a "man" and crying at both graduations.

For you supporting me in all my insane ideas and choices.

For all your lame jokes. I have lamer :)

For always loving your daughter, even when she screws up.

I have your sideways smile. I have your quirky personality. I have your drive.

I love you dad.

Mentally Dehabilitating the Physical

Anxiety isn't considered a disorder in many peoples' eyes because, well, we all have it. Its a part of life, especially in America. Socially, there is a lot that expected from us, and it creates mass tension, fear, and frustration. That may be why 18.1% of the United States has been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

I'm part of that 18.1%. I was officially diagnosed in 2005 with anxiety and was put on Lexapro. Well, after the medication made me too mellow, to a point where all I wanted to do was sleep and be alone, I stopped taking it and refused to go an anything else.

Things began to escalate. My weight was shifting dramatically, my sleep was irregular, my relationships were struggling, and I was constantly in fear. I started getting pains in my ribs, which later I found out was my diaphragm, which was hurting from irregular breathing from panic attacks. I would wake up in the morning, throwing up because I worked myself up so much about something, I made myself ill. I finally went to a counselor in 2007 due to the fact that my boyfriend was on the edge of giving up on me after the constant temper tantrums and mood swings due to the unneccessary stress I was putting on myself. I was rediagnosed with *Generalized Anxiety and was put on Prozac.

One mistake that my first doctor did was put me on medication and did not send me to a counselor. Medication is not the only way to get past anxiety. You have to change the way you think, or what my counselor says my "belief system." You have also pin down what has created all of the anxiety, and usually its from a past issue. Mine was my mother. She was the reason I tried so hard to please everyone around me because I was afraid of losing them like I lost her. Its even deeper than that, but its a very detail, personal thing and its way to much to blog about.

Anxiety is an ignored disorder, as I said before, because we all have it. But some people are dehabilitated by it. It doesn't mean they are crazy or insane, they are just driven differently. One thing that I had to drill into my boyfriend's head was you can't just "get over it." You can't just stop worrying. You tell yourself not to worry, but you do anyway, thinking of the worst case scenarios, sometimes thinking worrying will keep the bad from happening (it is a symptom of GA which is not listed below), and sometimes Obsessive Compulsive Disorder occurs from it.

Time has passed, and I still struggle, but I'm doing better. My boyfriend was deployed to Iraq, one of the most hardest things I have ever dealt with, but somehow, someway, I have handled it in a very different manner than I would before. Anxiety is no longer controlling my life. It still rears its ugly head and hurts me physically and emotionally, but between a few life changes and a few good friends who understand, I've managed to deal.

If you think you have an anxiety disorder, the first step is to go see a counselor. Do not go to the doctor, they seem to do quick fixes and just hand you any medication to shut you up. Work with a counselor and be honest of what you are feeling and dealing with. They will put you in the right direction. Also, find a friend or family member that you can confide in, to discuss the things you are feeling and helping them understand anxiety will help you understand it too.

Also, finding things that will help you relax is positive. Find an activity that you enjoy and set aside time everyday to enjoy it. It gives you time to reflect and relax, easing tension and stress. For me, its writing. And I write a lot. Either through blogs, journals, or writing stories for the paper. Its my savior, pretty much.

Visit: http://www.adaa.org/. This website is for the Anxiety Disorders Association of America. It is good resource to help you and others understand anxiety.



*Generalized anxiety disorder is characterized by persistent, excessive, and unrealistic worry about everyday things. People with the disorder, which is also referred to as GAD, feel that worrying is beyond their control and they are powerless to stop it. They often expect the worst, even when there is no apparent reason for concern. This anxiety or worry occurs on more days than not for at least six months. Exaggerated and unrelenting worry often centers around issues of health, family, money, or work, and it can interfere with all aspects of a person's life. Physical symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder include the following:
~muscle tension
~fatigue
~restlessness
~difficulty sleeping
~irritability
~edginess
~gastrointestinal discomfort or diarrhea

-Courtesy of ADAA

The Obama Rama Drama!

A few things I need to say about my party's new presidential candidate.

First, he's ambitious, he is somebody that I had supported for a while, before he even started to run for president. Maybe it was his charisma, maybe I fell for every word that man said. But I also fell for Hilary's experience kick. Yeah. I, my friends, am the typical American. Confused and falling for everything.

I haven't fell for the "O dear Lord, he's Muslim and his middle name is Hussein, only meaning that he is a terrorist!!" Okay, guys. Seriously. That is possibly the most closed minded, ridiculous thing I have ever heard, I have heard it come from my own parents' mouths. Study Islam, get a clue, guys. They have extremists like every religion, but that is only 1% of the Islamic population.

Now, the cons of Obama? Well, maybe he isn't ready to get us out of the crisis that Bush put this country in. I really did sit down and think about this whole experience thing and I figured that maybe Obama would be a great president four years after someone else cleans this place up. I love Obama, but we really are in a bind. Can he fix the economy, fix Iraq, and fix the numerous issues that have been ignored by presidents before him? I find him to be idealistic and skewed with blind optimism. Prove me wrong, Barack.

The pros-He is determined. He's got soul. He cares. And the word Change is now a coined Obama word. I think he is going to take time to fix social issues within the US. There are still race problems, if you don't believe it, you are naive. We still have the white supremacists and the tension between various races. When you are white dating someone black and are getting stared at still in todays society, you know we still have a problem.

Needless to say, anyone will be better than Bush...well, except for Huckabee. But I hope that Obama isn't coming in at the wrong time. I look at it like this, every politician has a flaw, but some they have something that overrides that flaw, and Obama is going to show us what that is.

Uncle Sam wants you...

...but doesn't want to take care of you...

Having a boyfriend in the military gives me a little bit of an inside view of how these men and women are treated. You would think that individuals who put their lives on the lines would at least have good working conditions and benefits. Well, in the last few months, they have definatly proved me wrong.

First, we have the infamous story of Fort Bragg and the Youtube video showing us the conditions at one of the supposedly finest bases in the USA. When was it okay for our military to walk around in their own wastes? I mean, those few pictures I saw were disgusting. One that stands out in my mind is the soldier sitting on the sink staring at the bathroom floor filled with dirty water. It took that video to have full inspections of all the bases around the world. Good going guys.

This connects with the electrocution of a Green Beret in Iraq. No, it wasn't through torture or of being a POW, like most people would assume with a Special Forces Op, it was in the shower. And 20 other people in Iraq have died that way. The plumbing and wiring is poor and has caused 20 needless deaths. Don't they have enough to worry about aside from IEDs and mortar attacks?

Lastly, taking care of our men and women physically and mentally seem to be the last priority. My SO was sent back needing surgery on his leg and having PTSD. He had finally had the surgery scheduled, but has to wait after his tour. Plus, a growing number of military personnel are sent back with bad cases of PTSD. And they wonder why suicide rates have went up?

Its so bothersome. There has to be something we can do...I wish I knew what it was. But this is beyond sickening.

Hold the hand of someone you fear, and realize that you have been senseless...

Well, I give up. I really do. I officially like NONE of the candidates.
Obama has convinced me that he is not ready for the presidency. Clinton...no explanation needed. And McCain. Well I don't like his war policy. He's realistic, but I guess I choose to stay naive. Plus, I really want a democrat in the house right now.

If I had a choice, either John Edwards or Al Gore would run for president. Why? Maybe because they concentrate on the things that have been ignored for way too long. In a perfect world...well, my world...it would be Al Gore with John Edwards as VP...*sigh* Beautiful match, if I do say myself. This has nothing to do with my blog though, just throwing it in there.

And let me tell you something. I spent last night watching documentaries on Sundance and one of them was just...beautiful. And it made so much sense.

One was called "For the Bible Told Me So." It was about Christianity and homosexuality. It wasn't bashing Christianity, it was about how some churches have sort of embraced it, not fully accepting it, but was not condemning these people to hell. One segment that I thought was beautiful was about how a mother of a very Christian family came to realize that just because her daughter came out doesn't mean she isn't the same person, she isn't different because of who she loves. This society has taken homosexuality and placed major stereotypes upon it, making them look like these flamboyent wimps.

Well, all of my homosexual friends are possibly some of the most amazing people I have met. Even Chris said that he has served side by side with people of that sexual orientation, and they were more of a soldier than most men he worked with. And one man, who saved two lives in the field, was kicked out when it was brought to the attention of the Army that he was gay.

Another segment showed how a church voted in a gay man as their head minister. The thing is, people have every right to not want to accept a certain lifestyle, but it disturbs me that people hate because of it and then call themselves Christians? Doesn't Christianity teach love? Love thy neighbor? And how can a human being put themselves in God's shoes saying "you are going to hell"?

The thing that made me feel good was there were preachers, rabbis, and ministers discussing this in a very clear and sensible manner, fighting misinterpretations, and it was a great documentary.

Also, interesting enough, homophobia in men is possibly due to the fact that society has embedded in their head that the worst thing that could happen to them as a male is to be treated as a woman. Well, they just don't know what they are missing ;)

I know, why do I even care, I'm straight? Well, like I said before, I have quite a few homosexual friends. They are normal, wonderful people. Some of them have been the best of friends I have ever had, and it hurts to see them get discriminated against, especially by a religion that my family follows. I mean, I know a few who are 100x the Christian I am. That documentary was very comforting.

And I am not looking to change the minds of people around me. I can't do that. People do that themselves, change their own minds. Thats the only time where it really matters.
Lately, I guess, I am looking at my own species and I am falling in love with the human being. I used to hate us. But, I realize that they are just as vunerable and full of life as I am, and its like, how can we survive with all this hate...how are we suppose to be strong if we spend more time criticizing each other than working together? How can you look someone like yourself in the eye and hurt them? That is why discrimination upsets me.

There is still discrimination within the races...there is still sexism...there is still stereotypes...
And if I hear one more person say we should just bomb the middle east and kill everyone over there, I am going to explode. They are freakin' people, man, they didn't want any of this! They want a normal life, they have families, jobs, a life...God you people need to study the Geneva Convention!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know whats wrong with me, I just am filled with ...something...a little depression possibly...because there is too much needless suffering. I'm ending here.
Peace.