Dear United States: Don't become the Divided States

To Everyone, Republican, Democrat, or people like me, voters of individuals, not parties:

I didn't want to get into this little spat over the internet, because its lame, and I told myself to just stay off these sites due to this reason, but alas, I'm a glutton for punishment.

I was excited for this election to be over because the rabid, hardcore Democrats and Republicans would stop their political bashing and things would seemingly calm down. Plus, between the Black Panthers and the White Supremisists, I seriously was contemplating ditching this country and hiding out in the mountains of Switzerland. This has been a draining election and has taught me to keep mum on who I support because it causes heated conversations that I just don't have the strength to get into right now.

I wake up to people insulting each other for how they voted, rather it be for the winner or loser. People are damning others because they voted a certain way. People are calling each other racists when they aren't even upset that our new President is black, but are sincerely upset over certain policies. People are rubbing it in the wounds of the losers that Obama won. People are making bets on when he will be assassinated. People are saying things without doing any research, making themselves look even more ridiculous. So, needless to say, even after the elections, I'm ready to go to the neutral country of Switzerland and raise sheep.

I'm just flabbergasted and people will continue to not know how I voted for this reason. If I tell you McCain, you will tell me I am a racist and if I tell you Obama, you will tell me I'm a socialist. And if I tell you independent, then I'm a social racist. So, no matter what, I'm screwed.

But, I'm not going to sit here and be mad at people for voting. Either way, if you voted yesterday, I respect you, and I won't ever judge you for your choice. You used a right that Chris has been shot two times and stabbed once for and is over in Iraq again along with thousands of men and women. You used a right that has been fought for for years and years in many wars to be exact...

If you want to tell my boyfriend that he is a socialist or a racist by how he voted, go ahead, that will go over well. Tell a man or woman who bled for this country that, and see how you feel about yourself after the fact. I'm just saying, its wrong in any situation, and with such a vast conflict happening, almost everyone has someone whom they love and care about fighting for our freedom, so be careful what you throw at them.

So, right now, you can take this situation, hating each other, creating a divided country OR you can suck it up, work together to help this country get back on its feet, keeping it united. Either way, its your choice.

I'm just sick of the bitching, gloating, demeaning words from both sides. I'm not saying supress your freedom of speech, but make sure you know what you are saying before you say it.

You have a handful of people who are upset for valid reasons and a handful that is excited for valid reasons. Use tact right now, its a very sensitive and fragile time for many.

You can hate the President, thats fine, but don't hate each other. No matter who's in office, we still need a stong sense of community to get this country back on its feet.

So, please, take time to calm down, breathe, and be friends again. We're acting like Ireland in the 1800's, condemning each other for being Protestant or Catholic. Its getting scary.

Blue or red blooded, just remember, we are, in the end, all Americans.

Good Riddance

I will not try to sway your vote. I will not even share with you of who I am voting for, because this election has been violently passionate. And I am ill with people trying to use Chris's deployment to convince me to vote for either candidate. Besides the fact that there are so many other issues going on, using something that I'm quite sensitive about is quite upsetting and weak. I wouldn't do that to anyone else.

All I ask is to please vote. Anyone is going to be a better leader than our current disgrace of a president, George W. Bush.

Now, on to my soapbox. I believe both candidates have the ability to bring good things to the table and as human beings, they both have flaws. But the attacks on race and gender have been disturbing and this election has brought some hate groups out of the woodwork. Lovely.

Let me clear some things up here.

Obama is African American. Oh my! A black man? Running for the presidency?! NOOOO!!! How can this be? Well, maybe this is because a man died in 1968 (40 years ago guys...40 years ago...) for the equality of race in American. MLK that is. I never can understand the mindframe of individuals who hate because of the pigmentation of flesh. We are all the same species, human. With recent "assassination plots" and people saying "I don't want no n***er in the White House" really brings upon the idea that history repeats itself. And you people are sick. Get counseling or something.

Second, he's a terrorist? Really?! Because his name is Barack Hussein Obama? And statements that he is a muslim? So....even if he was Muslim...why would that matter? Yes, this country is mostly Christian, but if someone (like myself) did research and actually gained an understanding in the Muslim religion, Islam doesn't equal terrorism. Look at the 5 pillars and gain some education before you attack something you don't understand. Remember, every religion has extremeist. Do not judge a God by his radical followers. Its like saying all Christians worship like Fred Phelps. Its ridiculous and closed minded.

Another figure: Thomas Jefferson created the seperation of Church and state. Lets keep it that way.

Lets move on to McCain. A New York Publication stated during the primaries that McCain was not an American because he was born in Panama. Really? Well thanks for bringin' that out into the light (sarcasm.) At that time, in 1936, the Panama Canal was under US Control and his father was a naval officer which only means that McCain was born on a US NAVAL BASE. If you think Americans are that stupid to fall for such a ridiculous claim, maybe you should rethink your career.

McCain is quite American. McCain was a freakin' POW. You can't get more American than that.

OH! OH! And McCain doesn't understand family because he has been through a divorce? I heard the same criticism directed to Guiliani (who I personally was a fan of.) I've heard this thrown around a bit. Umm...well, a huge chunk of Americans have been through the same thing. And from what I've seen, families prevail such a change. My dad did. So, don't throw that us either. I didn't know that being divorced hurts your qualification of being a leader...hmmm...


Needless to say, both candidates have been attacked for the most ridiculous things and I am very disappointed in the media and citizens of this country for voting or not voting for these candidates over very trivial things.

You vote for policy and administration. Not age, not gender, not race, not religion.

Get used to America, we are a melting pot. We have a diverse population, so expect a diversity in candidacy.

So go vote tomorrow. Vote with your own brain. Don't pay attention to the media. Don't pay attention to the die hard republicans or democrats. Do your research and cast a ballot.

A Cliche Problem

I'm not a twig. I never will be a twig. I will be battling my weight for most of my life, so I have a lovely challenge ahead. But, I am trying to learn to not obsess. Instead, I get angry at the individuals who scrutinize me and other women for not being "ideal."

Last Fall, I was at the doctor to get medication for my anxiety. My regular doctor was not there, so I was seeing a woman I had never seen before. She weighed me and took the opportunity to tell me I was obese. She proceeded to give me a diabetes pamplet. After I started my medication, I went back to do a follow-up. She weighed me and I had lost 5 pounds. I told her that the medicine made me lose my appetite, but it was coming back. She said "Oh, well thats too bad," and handed me another diabetes pamplet. I wish I was exaggerating.

I don't know how much I weigh anymore. I refuse to get on a scale. After that incident, I became quite obsessed with my weight and weighed myself 3 to 4 times a day. All I know is that I weigh 10 pounds less than I did after seeing that doctor.

Now, I gauge myself by how my clothes fit and how healthy I am physically. I'm a size 12-13, but I can run a mile with no problem. I weigh much more than the average female, but I have to put my height, frame, and muscle mass into prospective.

What sparked this blog was after hearing a model was called obese. She was a size 4. I was offended and upset when someone told me that I was obese, but I couldn't imagine what she felt. Well, she developed an eating disorder from it.

People can say things that may create a sort of obsession in the female pysche, even when it is not directed towards her. Something that has made me develop an unhealthy fascination with losing weight have been when someone calls a woman smaller than me fat. An abstract example of this is of a woman that I found to be fine in size, though she gained a little weight, and someone suggested that she let herself go. I then wondered what people were saying about me and became quite paranoid.

After realizing that I was letting my image rule my life, I decided that I needed to let it go. I do things for me, not the people in my life. Instead of losing weight to look good, I exercise and eat healthy to have better stamina. I, again, avoid the scale. I realize that I have a man in my life that loves me for who I am, so why do I care about impressing others?

I think all women need to live by this, which is live for themselves. You can only be happy through you, not others. Nobody is ideal. Ideal doesn't exist. Everyone is beautiful in some way or another. Also, the fear of social rejection due to our image that many of us women experience is purely paranoia. There are people that overlook these things and see the beauty that we all need to see in ourselves.

Its time for women to stop looking at numbers and magazines and take what God gave them and flaunt it.

You are beautiful.

Why I Will Never Have Children

Growing up, I thought it would be horrifying to have children because of the physical pain. Later, after getting into a very serious relationship, having kids seemed to be one of the most rewarding things I could do and I started to enjoy the idea of raising them to my standards. Now, I couldn't do it. I feel like bringing children into this world would be the cruelest thing I could do. And I really hate saying it.

Let me just go through a week's worth of news with you to validate my point.

1.) A man in Winnipeg, Canada, 22 year old Tim Mclean, was sitting on a bus, listening to music, when the man beside him suddenly jumped up, stabbed and decapitated him, with no pretense. There was no signs that the man was going to commit any viscous acts.

2.) In my area alone, a teenage girl was shot in the back by her own brother (but survived) and a man was beaten to death with a crowbar and stabbed by his best friend after mowing the lawn in front of 30 people, while the wife kept people away with a baseball bat, stating "He is getting what he deserves." Lastly, one of Jim Webb's aids, in his mid-20's, was found dead on the side of the road laying on top of a gun, with a bullet wound to his head.

3.) A newlywed couple was attacked by gunshots on the last day of their honey moon, the wife being killed, in the Caribbean Island of Antigua. *see picture above*

This all happened in one week. I know things like this happen everyday, well, sorta. Most of these stories are quite horrifying and rarely happen. It seems to me that most of these attacks or deaths happened for no or some very meek reason. I struggle with the lack of human compassion and the increase in senseless violence.

Plus, it seems like a war will always be occurring, the environment is deteriorating, and it seems as if people have no safe haven anymore. I'm not trying to be negative or a doomsday theorist, I just know that I won't have kids until I see some kind of improvement.

And I wonder if that is possible. The world is a scary place. A large part of the population are on medication to get through the difficulties of life, me being included due to severe anxiety, or people dwelve into drugs or alcohol to escape reality.

I truly believe that most people are good at heart, but there are enough bad ones that are successfully crushing the human spirit. Thats why I think people need to stop being scared, including me, and fight back. I think the world is worth fighting for. Do it for us, do it for the ones who come after.

Lets talk news, guys

*Al Jazeera news team for the English speaking channel

Randolph College and its overbearing communications department did do me some good. My senior year, I did a massive research project on Al Jazeera vs. CNN. Lets just say that Al Jazeera won that battle.

With someone that I love with every inch of my soul in the Middle East right now (yeah, I'm getting personal and mushy, I apologize) I want a reliable encounter of what is really going on over there. Well, the US has no idea. Or they do and blow it WAY out of proportion. Through my research and own experience, I am beginning to learn that US news is more concerned with ratings by making a mountain out of a molehill while foriegn news concentrates on the hard facts.

I mean, you never see a story about Anna Nicole Smith on Al Jazeera. Honestly, who cares that an overweight playboy model who's brain was non-coherant with the real world and married a man 50-60 years her elder croaked? Sounds harsh, but really, the news of her death barely phased me. And it was the top news on the CNN website for almost a month.

Now, lets take the Iran situation. Today, it was announced that Iran is a #1 threat to the US and that "finger is on the trigger" of various missles. They make it sound like its inevitable for an attack from Iran. Well, if you read a more logical version for Al Jazeera, you realize that they are only making these threats if we attack them. Sounds logical. Every country deserves a defense of some kind. I'm not supporting Iran by no means, their president is a freakin' nutcase, but the situation is not as dier as CNN is making it out to be. I felt a little panic after reading their story, but relieved after reading Al Jazeera's. Its like if the US was attacked, of course we would strike back, or we just attack random countries when there is a sign of threat, which makes me think we will do this with Iran, and that does make me nervous.

Second, today, I read a story on Al Jazeera that has not been posted on any US website, or at least at this time that the US has top officials discussing a withdrawal of ground troops by mid-2009. BBC reports this story later in the day. Why hasn't the US done the same thing? Isn't that news we should be hearing right now? Or maybe its just too positive to gain ratings.

Now, I don't believe everything I hear, but I will trust these foriegn sites more than the national sites, due to the common fact that they are closer to the situation, having more coverage and base in the Middle East and they don't concentrate on the mundane.

Lastly, if you take the time to listen to what a man or woman from the military says who has actually been to Iraq, you will realize that their stories sync up better with the foriegn news coverage rather than the US news.

Just stating the facts. I give foriegn news a thumbs up for remaining true to the code of journalism and not producing the smut that CNN, Fox News, and other US networks are these days. They need to clean up their act or citizens of the US are just going to remain ill-informed, and thats a dangerous thing.

What is Patriotism in America?

*Picture taken at 2007 Monacan Pow-wow, my interpretation of Pure America.

CNN did an I-Report of what patriotism was. There were some mixed reviews.

Some people were hardcore America, others were very anti-USA. I understand both sides.

Honestly, 4th of July didn't feel the same for me this time. I wasn't too "patriotic" or proud this year. I do love my country, I'm far from hating my homeland. I loved what our founding fathers created, but I don't like what we have become. Here's my true and honest opinion of my country.

I heard on the news last night during a package about Bush naturalizing some citizens a man say that America is a great place, everyone is trying to get in and not trying to get out. This is very true. America is a place of opportunity. What does irritate me about our citizens do not realize that opportunity is earned. You do have to work for it, not sit there and wait for it to happen. You then see men and women who come into this country and they work so very hard, and they make something of themselves.

Luis Gonzales from Chile is a perfect example. He left his country while Pinochet was dictator, abusing his people and came to America. He worked hard and ended up opening his own, very successful store in this town. He also has become a very influential person in this community, teaching spanish, leading a gemstone group, and holding many social and learning activities in his store. Even more so, he votes. He votes here and he flies back to Chile to vote. He understands the importance of this role and takes it seriously. Luis was not born here, but he is one of the truest Americans I know. It seems that the people who come into this country appreciate it more than the majority of Americans that were born here.

The country itself feels as if it is falling apart. The economy is in shambles, we are still involved with the conflict in the Middle East, 7 years later, and it seems like almost everyone is struggling financially and mentally. One of the I-reporters stated that patriotism was pointless. He stated that his father fought in two wars, dying in one. He himself obeyed all laws and paid taxes, only to be betrayed and lied to by his government. Another called patriotism a propaganda ploy.

Well, I believe you can love your country, but hate what it is doing. Also, every country has its flaws. Nobody is perfect and most governments face some sort of corruption because power taints the human soul and mind, making them hungry for more, even if it means hurting their own people.

I struggle with America's policy of engaging in conflict, whatever that policy may be. If anyone knows what that is, enlighten me. Afghanistan made sense. Bin Laden sent his cronies to attack us, so we go in, hoping to stop him and the Taliban from future terrorist attacks. Iraq on the other hand is still quite hazy. I've heard so many different theories coming from the mouths of our government of why we are there: Weapons of mass destruction in which were never found, then it was all about Hussein and his cruelty to his people (which the people of Chile had just as bad a problem with Pinochet, and I don't remember us getting THAT involved...but I digress,) then it was about democracy, and now I just don't know. I do know that OUR MILITARY has done a good job and thanks to them, Iraq is SLOWLY getting better. Again, let me emphasize that our men and women in uniform is the reason anything is getting done over there. If you want patriotism, look to them, not our government sitting in their air conditioned offices, throwing commands around.

And American citizens do not do their research. I am even guilty of this, making comments and insinuations, only to make an ass of myself because I had nothing to back my arguments up with. I have gotten better. The best example of this was the whole "Petrayus Betray Us" crap. Okay, so he said what Americans didn't want to hear, but the man is doing his job. He has been put in a very rough situation and is doing what is in the best interest of our country and Iraq. Yes, this war sucks, but pulling out people now and not having these surges every now and then will only lead us going back after a few years when the country implodes on itself. Also, why end a mission now, after 4,113 men and women died for a cause that may not be ended because we are against the war? Are we going to let them die in vain? Are we going to tell the families and friends of these people that their loved one died for no reason? Its hard for me to say this, because I am very pro-peace and wanting this war to end, but I know we can't jump out of this now, we are in too deep. And Americans need to realize this and just support our troops as much as they can.

I've just thrown a lot at you and never really clarified the idea of patriotism. The definition of the word is: "devoted love, support, and defense of one's country; national loyalty."

This varies from country to country. First, being in the military for the most part fits the definition of patriotism. But, patriotism for the ones who don't fight wars outside the country are ones that fight wars inside it. That could be through voting, volunteering, and advocation. I think our people are slightly submissive and need to regain their voices. We do have the freedom speech and peaceful demonstration. But before doing any of that, at least research the situation before opening your mouth. One person with knowledge is stronger than a dozen people acting only out of emotion. And that is patriotism.

Working for opportunity for change in one's life and their own country.

Cruel and Unusal Behavior

I can't say I know what is going on these days with people, but they disturb me.

Being a huge lover of the other species that we share this world with (I can't really say animals, because we are animals ourselves), I struggle with how some people can be so cruel to them.

The news has had a flurry of horrible stories of animal abuse. A marine was recently discharged from the Corps for throwing a puppy off a cliff, recording it as it's yelps faded as it fell, and put it on youtube. Yesterday, someone threw a bag of kittens out into a busy highway. Only one survived. Recently, in Virginia, a pit bull puppy was found with her ears cut off.

I could continue on with many other stories of cruelty, but its hard for me to even discuss it because it is so upsetting. It really breaks my heart to even hear of these things.

I'm a firm believer that a person who can hurt an animal like that is quite violent in nature, possibly they are exhibiting the first signs of being a serial killer. Many studies support that idea.

Laws do exhist that protect animals, but since they can't communicate with us, many individuals get away with their crime.

Neglect is another problem. People don't realize it, but its very common. I remember once being in a pet store and a man was complaining about his chinchilla and how much he hates it. He said that he never let it out and kept it in it's cage. I wish that I stepped in and asked if I could have him or her, because chinchillas can't be locked in their cages their whole lives. They need exercise, interaction, and activity outside their closed habitats.

And that is only a small example. Trina, a pit bull/mastiff mix that my parents have now, was locked in a cage for the first two years of her life, just to have puppies. She was overbred and then sent to the pound when the man couldn't use her anymore.

Chewy, another dog of my parents found, whom we think is a pit bull/bloodhound mix, was found on the side of the road. He has a limp and his belly is full of scars from possibly being thrown out of a window of a moving car.

Growing up, my biological mother was always bringing home dogs from the humane society when she worked there. She would bring them home to fix them up, give them a good bath and groom, and help them readjust to people. She brought home a sheltie that was afraid of men due to abuse. She was able to get her adjusted by introducing her to my dad and our vet. She had a Husky that she fixed up and got a home the day she brought him back. My mom saved many dog's lives and there are so many people out there that do the same. That is comforting, but when seeing the news above, you wonder what was going through those peoples' minds.

If anyone wanted a good dog, going to the humane society is a sure bet of finding that there. Same with cats. One of my cats, Arashi, is from the humane society and he is the best I have ever had. He's loving and very attached to me, but its because he knows I pretty much saved his life. Many cats and dogs are put down every year due to overpopulation in humane societies.

Also, I have heard complaints about the humane society and their methods of adoption. Yes, they now do background checks and make sure that you are in a place that is right for that pet. They only do this so the animal will not end up hurt, abandoned, dead, or back in the humane society. I think its a wonderful idea, and though its a hassle, its worth it.

But needless to say, animals deserve better treatment, and the recent news sparked this rant. I don't condone any violence towards anything living, unless it was attacking or trying to kill someone. But, I don't think that puppy was any threat to that marine, nor were those kittens to the bastard that threw them out onto a highway to be ran over. I'm only stating the facts.

If you are interested in helping abused animals or considering adoption visit: http://www.spana.org/ (Society for Protection Animals Abroad) or http://www.hsus.org/, the National Humane Society website.

My dad, my Hero

These holidays can be rough for the single parent child. And I have seen in many of my friends the disturbing pattern of one parent exiting their kid's life and the other taking all the responsibility.

For me, Mother's Day is a pain. I haven't talked to my mom in almost 5 years. Luckily, graduation fell on that day and it was barely on my mind this year.

Father's Day is different for me. Its more of day to be grateful and appreciative of the man that pretty much saved my life. He's what ever a dad should be. And he's made up for every bit of love my mom walked out with.

Some how, some way, I made the decision to live with my dad when my parents divorced when I was 11 years old. I came into my new home with a mullet, thick bottle glasses, I was very overweight, and I had no confidence nor social skills. Dad changed it all.

He and his wife took the time to make me real dinners. No more bland tv dinners that was making me unhealthy and quite fat. I was no longer trapped in my bedroom, I had the freedom to go outside and walk around. I had the freedom to go in different rooms of the house without permission. I could even go into the refridgerator without getting in trouble. Yes, my mom was a slight control freak. He took time to help me with my homework. He came to every game I performed at when I was in colorguard. He did everything he could to make anything that I was a part of. He wasn't out all night with random people, leaving me at home alone to fend for myself so he could go party. I wasn't alone anymore.

My mom wasn't a horrible person by no means, I make it sound like she was the worst person in the world, but she was only a victim of her own home life. Her mother was a bad influence and her dad was never allowed to be a part of her life. I can never believe my mom wanted to hurt me on purpose. And I always will love her. But, she wasn't ready to be a parent. My dad was.

So, if you have your father and he has been there for you, protected you, loved you, be grateful. Make sure you let him know that you appreciate everything that he has done for you.

For those who don't have that luxury, give your mom a hug or call today and thank her for being so strong, so amazing, and being both the woman and man of the household. I understand how you feel, its like Mother's Day for me. But remember, you do have that one parent that has loved you unconditionally and some don't even have that. I try and try to keep that in mind. To be grateful for what I have, not for what I have lost.

Even moreso, realize the father figure you deserve. It may be a grandfather, an uncle, a teacher, a friend. If you have someone in your life that has been there for you as a father, thank him, too.

Soooo...to my dad, for all the rides in your blue Dodge, jamming to Tom Petty, thank God you influenced me music wise.

To the day we went out in raincoats during a hurricane, hoping the wind would pick us up at the top of the driveway when we jumped. I was 17, you were in your late 30's, but you always are gonna be a kid at heart, and I will be the same.

For the countless freak accidents you have had. You are an amazing conversation piece.

For you putting aside being a "man" and crying at both graduations.

For you supporting me in all my insane ideas and choices.

For all your lame jokes. I have lamer :)

For always loving your daughter, even when she screws up.

I have your sideways smile. I have your quirky personality. I have your drive.

I love you dad.

Mentally Dehabilitating the Physical

Anxiety isn't considered a disorder in many peoples' eyes because, well, we all have it. Its a part of life, especially in America. Socially, there is a lot that expected from us, and it creates mass tension, fear, and frustration. That may be why 18.1% of the United States has been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

I'm part of that 18.1%. I was officially diagnosed in 2005 with anxiety and was put on Lexapro. Well, after the medication made me too mellow, to a point where all I wanted to do was sleep and be alone, I stopped taking it and refused to go an anything else.

Things began to escalate. My weight was shifting dramatically, my sleep was irregular, my relationships were struggling, and I was constantly in fear. I started getting pains in my ribs, which later I found out was my diaphragm, which was hurting from irregular breathing from panic attacks. I would wake up in the morning, throwing up because I worked myself up so much about something, I made myself ill. I finally went to a counselor in 2007 due to the fact that my boyfriend was on the edge of giving up on me after the constant temper tantrums and mood swings due to the unneccessary stress I was putting on myself. I was rediagnosed with *Generalized Anxiety and was put on Prozac.

One mistake that my first doctor did was put me on medication and did not send me to a counselor. Medication is not the only way to get past anxiety. You have to change the way you think, or what my counselor says my "belief system." You have also pin down what has created all of the anxiety, and usually its from a past issue. Mine was my mother. She was the reason I tried so hard to please everyone around me because I was afraid of losing them like I lost her. Its even deeper than that, but its a very detail, personal thing and its way to much to blog about.

Anxiety is an ignored disorder, as I said before, because we all have it. But some people are dehabilitated by it. It doesn't mean they are crazy or insane, they are just driven differently. One thing that I had to drill into my boyfriend's head was you can't just "get over it." You can't just stop worrying. You tell yourself not to worry, but you do anyway, thinking of the worst case scenarios, sometimes thinking worrying will keep the bad from happening (it is a symptom of GA which is not listed below), and sometimes Obsessive Compulsive Disorder occurs from it.

Time has passed, and I still struggle, but I'm doing better. My boyfriend was deployed to Iraq, one of the most hardest things I have ever dealt with, but somehow, someway, I have handled it in a very different manner than I would before. Anxiety is no longer controlling my life. It still rears its ugly head and hurts me physically and emotionally, but between a few life changes and a few good friends who understand, I've managed to deal.

If you think you have an anxiety disorder, the first step is to go see a counselor. Do not go to the doctor, they seem to do quick fixes and just hand you any medication to shut you up. Work with a counselor and be honest of what you are feeling and dealing with. They will put you in the right direction. Also, find a friend or family member that you can confide in, to discuss the things you are feeling and helping them understand anxiety will help you understand it too.

Also, finding things that will help you relax is positive. Find an activity that you enjoy and set aside time everyday to enjoy it. It gives you time to reflect and relax, easing tension and stress. For me, its writing. And I write a lot. Either through blogs, journals, or writing stories for the paper. Its my savior, pretty much.

Visit: http://www.adaa.org/. This website is for the Anxiety Disorders Association of America. It is good resource to help you and others understand anxiety.



*Generalized anxiety disorder is characterized by persistent, excessive, and unrealistic worry about everyday things. People with the disorder, which is also referred to as GAD, feel that worrying is beyond their control and they are powerless to stop it. They often expect the worst, even when there is no apparent reason for concern. This anxiety or worry occurs on more days than not for at least six months. Exaggerated and unrelenting worry often centers around issues of health, family, money, or work, and it can interfere with all aspects of a person's life. Physical symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder include the following:
~muscle tension
~fatigue
~restlessness
~difficulty sleeping
~irritability
~edginess
~gastrointestinal discomfort or diarrhea

-Courtesy of ADAA

The Obama Rama Drama!

A few things I need to say about my party's new presidential candidate.

First, he's ambitious, he is somebody that I had supported for a while, before he even started to run for president. Maybe it was his charisma, maybe I fell for every word that man said. But I also fell for Hilary's experience kick. Yeah. I, my friends, am the typical American. Confused and falling for everything.

I haven't fell for the "O dear Lord, he's Muslim and his middle name is Hussein, only meaning that he is a terrorist!!" Okay, guys. Seriously. That is possibly the most closed minded, ridiculous thing I have ever heard, I have heard it come from my own parents' mouths. Study Islam, get a clue, guys. They have extremists like every religion, but that is only 1% of the Islamic population.

Now, the cons of Obama? Well, maybe he isn't ready to get us out of the crisis that Bush put this country in. I really did sit down and think about this whole experience thing and I figured that maybe Obama would be a great president four years after someone else cleans this place up. I love Obama, but we really are in a bind. Can he fix the economy, fix Iraq, and fix the numerous issues that have been ignored by presidents before him? I find him to be idealistic and skewed with blind optimism. Prove me wrong, Barack.

The pros-He is determined. He's got soul. He cares. And the word Change is now a coined Obama word. I think he is going to take time to fix social issues within the US. There are still race problems, if you don't believe it, you are naive. We still have the white supremacists and the tension between various races. When you are white dating someone black and are getting stared at still in todays society, you know we still have a problem.

Needless to say, anyone will be better than Bush...well, except for Huckabee. But I hope that Obama isn't coming in at the wrong time. I look at it like this, every politician has a flaw, but some they have something that overrides that flaw, and Obama is going to show us what that is.

Uncle Sam wants you...

...but doesn't want to take care of you...

Having a boyfriend in the military gives me a little bit of an inside view of how these men and women are treated. You would think that individuals who put their lives on the lines would at least have good working conditions and benefits. Well, in the last few months, they have definatly proved me wrong.

First, we have the infamous story of Fort Bragg and the Youtube video showing us the conditions at one of the supposedly finest bases in the USA. When was it okay for our military to walk around in their own wastes? I mean, those few pictures I saw were disgusting. One that stands out in my mind is the soldier sitting on the sink staring at the bathroom floor filled with dirty water. It took that video to have full inspections of all the bases around the world. Good going guys.

This connects with the electrocution of a Green Beret in Iraq. No, it wasn't through torture or of being a POW, like most people would assume with a Special Forces Op, it was in the shower. And 20 other people in Iraq have died that way. The plumbing and wiring is poor and has caused 20 needless deaths. Don't they have enough to worry about aside from IEDs and mortar attacks?

Lastly, taking care of our men and women physically and mentally seem to be the last priority. My SO was sent back needing surgery on his leg and having PTSD. He had finally had the surgery scheduled, but has to wait after his tour. Plus, a growing number of military personnel are sent back with bad cases of PTSD. And they wonder why suicide rates have went up?

Its so bothersome. There has to be something we can do...I wish I knew what it was. But this is beyond sickening.

Hold the hand of someone you fear, and realize that you have been senseless...

Well, I give up. I really do. I officially like NONE of the candidates.
Obama has convinced me that he is not ready for the presidency. Clinton...no explanation needed. And McCain. Well I don't like his war policy. He's realistic, but I guess I choose to stay naive. Plus, I really want a democrat in the house right now.

If I had a choice, either John Edwards or Al Gore would run for president. Why? Maybe because they concentrate on the things that have been ignored for way too long. In a perfect world...well, my world...it would be Al Gore with John Edwards as VP...*sigh* Beautiful match, if I do say myself. This has nothing to do with my blog though, just throwing it in there.

And let me tell you something. I spent last night watching documentaries on Sundance and one of them was just...beautiful. And it made so much sense.

One was called "For the Bible Told Me So." It was about Christianity and homosexuality. It wasn't bashing Christianity, it was about how some churches have sort of embraced it, not fully accepting it, but was not condemning these people to hell. One segment that I thought was beautiful was about how a mother of a very Christian family came to realize that just because her daughter came out doesn't mean she isn't the same person, she isn't different because of who she loves. This society has taken homosexuality and placed major stereotypes upon it, making them look like these flamboyent wimps.

Well, all of my homosexual friends are possibly some of the most amazing people I have met. Even Chris said that he has served side by side with people of that sexual orientation, and they were more of a soldier than most men he worked with. And one man, who saved two lives in the field, was kicked out when it was brought to the attention of the Army that he was gay.

Another segment showed how a church voted in a gay man as their head minister. The thing is, people have every right to not want to accept a certain lifestyle, but it disturbs me that people hate because of it and then call themselves Christians? Doesn't Christianity teach love? Love thy neighbor? And how can a human being put themselves in God's shoes saying "you are going to hell"?

The thing that made me feel good was there were preachers, rabbis, and ministers discussing this in a very clear and sensible manner, fighting misinterpretations, and it was a great documentary.

Also, interesting enough, homophobia in men is possibly due to the fact that society has embedded in their head that the worst thing that could happen to them as a male is to be treated as a woman. Well, they just don't know what they are missing ;)

I know, why do I even care, I'm straight? Well, like I said before, I have quite a few homosexual friends. They are normal, wonderful people. Some of them have been the best of friends I have ever had, and it hurts to see them get discriminated against, especially by a religion that my family follows. I mean, I know a few who are 100x the Christian I am. That documentary was very comforting.

And I am not looking to change the minds of people around me. I can't do that. People do that themselves, change their own minds. Thats the only time where it really matters.
Lately, I guess, I am looking at my own species and I am falling in love with the human being. I used to hate us. But, I realize that they are just as vunerable and full of life as I am, and its like, how can we survive with all this hate...how are we suppose to be strong if we spend more time criticizing each other than working together? How can you look someone like yourself in the eye and hurt them? That is why discrimination upsets me.

There is still discrimination within the races...there is still sexism...there is still stereotypes...
And if I hear one more person say we should just bomb the middle east and kill everyone over there, I am going to explode. They are freakin' people, man, they didn't want any of this! They want a normal life, they have families, jobs, a life...God you people need to study the Geneva Convention!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know whats wrong with me, I just am filled with ...something...a little depression possibly...because there is too much needless suffering. I'm ending here.
Peace.